I just feel like writing.
I think I'm going to go away for awhile. Not like...to the coast. Go away to a different country.
Lately I've just been feeling this overwhelming feeling that there is so much out there that is much, much larger than I am.
The other day I was at Safeway, and I was walking back to my car with my bag in hand. There was a man on the corner of the parking lot with a cardboard sign that said "anything will help." I placed my bag in my car, grabbed an apple I just bought out of it, and scraped up a dollar of change in my cupholder and walked across the road to him.
I didn't get his name, but he was very sweet, and very appreciative for my small gesture. We passed a couple seconds of small talk between us and then I said "have a wonderful day" and started walking back to my car. I stopped about 7 steps out, turned around and went back to him and told him I would like to give him a hug.
And we hugged. And for a split second I was a major part of his world. He has been a major part of my world for the past week.
The longer I am unemployed by any "real world" company or legit job, the more I feel this overwhelming sense of "there is a larger world out there". I feel like I'm slipping out of the constant stress and worry of having a job/looking for a job, having rent, feeding myself and my cat, wondering how I am going to afford gas to get to work etc etc...
I don't have those worries for the most part. And I love that fact.
I feel like I can SEE more clearly. I FEEL more. I don't feel the need to be earning substantial amounts of money, but I feel the incredible need to make an impact. Up until this point of my life, I was living life for myself. Which, don't get me wrong, you need to take care of YOU first and foremost. From the safety procedure booklets on airplanes, to the Dalai Lama, a major theme in life is that you must take care of yourself before taking care of others. Whether that be physically, mentally, or spiritually.
I've done a lot of living in my 27 years. I am so thankful for every experience I have gone through, including the ones that nearly took my life. I feel like I need to step outside of my box though. Outside of my normal daily way of life- "Shower, dry hair, put on makeup, pick out clothes, etc etc".
I want to live my life for God. I want to live my life to help others and this world. The best part is that by flipping my world upside down like this, will in turn not just make me truly happy, and will positively impact those I come in contact with...but it will nurture me and lift me up on a soul level.
I know some of you may be thinking-"Woooow Jamie has really gone off the deep end this time." and probably think that I'm drenched in tie die and smell like patchouli...maybe I am morphing into the stereotypical Oregon Hippy.
I assure you though, that I am still just me. With less makeup, and messy hair. With less money, less employment, less rent. More clarity, more time to give to others, more spirit, more faith, and more hope.
In the next couple months I will need your help. And I will ask for it when I am ready and truly need it.
Until then, as always, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers while I continue to explore my options, try and maintain a healthy mind and body, and continue to struggle and overcome things.
Love is what this life of ours is all about. I am not a guru, I am not a monk, I am not a priest or a rabbi or any person of any significance...but the meaning of your life is LOVE. Not candlelit dinner love...the kind that you feel so deep inside you it scares you a little, yet you cannot help but spread it to others so they can feel what you feel. Unconditional love. On a God level and on a personal human level. I've been feeling this and learning this for the past 8 months, and I don't think I could live life without this feeling now.
I challenge you to step outside your box and show and give love to someone. Be vulnerable. Open yourself up. Let love in.
I love YOU :)
